The 2021 Hotel NES GOLF Tournament

I bring to you, the most beautiful display of golf in the next 4 Rounds of what is being projected to be the most amazing and best fake tournament of NES GOLF ever shown to the public.

EASTWOOD is going going up against the rest of the field which, because of Covid, happens to be only one more competitor to sign up and show his guts and made up golfing skills! This man of course, is “Red shirt” Mario! Believe it or not, Tiger Woods STOLE the red shirt idea from Red Shirt Mario a long, long time ago.

For me (Calvin Eastwood) to beat this moustache having, wannabe friend of Luigi, and child rapist, I’m going to have to play consistent and not get thrown By an errant OB and get back immediately to attacking the next hole like it never happened! I mostly stayed within the -10 to -19 range the most, but def threw in a couple duds like -5 or -7, but also matched that on the flip side by throwing in one a piece of paper for -20 to -23. The most common scores were written the most on the papers, while the harder and more shitty scores had much less of a chance to be picked as a score for the round.

I really think this will give me much more excitement in my rounds as well as making me HAVE to finish my rounds regardless of the score. That last part is most important though. I’ve had SOO many more practice on the earlier holes than the last 8 or so by a large margin. I usually miss a shot by a pixel or two to ruin an amazing round in the last 3 or 4 holes all the time and I need to put the work in to not have that happen as much as it does now. And I always had trouble playing the last group of holes with anywhere near the level of stress that is like when you are hitting the perfect round. Now in tourney format, those last few holes are still paramount and just as important as the 1st holes.The lower names were much more common while the the higher names are very much more rare. I still need to create new rivalries with made up fake players. I tore up a bunch of papers and wrote scores on them, I made more duplicates of the more common scores of -13 to -16ish and made the -20s and up just one piece of paper so they are super rare that would replicate real life better. So I threw all the pieces of paper in my hat and the very first drawing for the very 1st made up tourney with my made up rivalry showed that “Red shirt” Mario who when used correctly shoots scores that would give 2005 Manchurian candidate Tiger Woods a run for money. His 4 rounds came out as following, RD1: -14 RD2: -RD 3: – RD 4:

So now I begin my 1st round of this prestigious made up NES GOLF open championship with another score that I have in my sights to best, or in the worst case scenario, try to stay within a shot or two going into the 2nd round.

Hotel Living… on the insurance dime

I gotta say… living at a hotel is paid for and any food that I consume from the day of the fire until the day they finish our brand new kitchen, as long as I keep the receipts! If I eat takeout, grab the receipt. Fast food, “receipt please?” Grocery shopping? That receipt? “Better hold onto that one! It’s a biggie!” I am now on day 13 and I’ve really fallen into an stress free, made for introvert type of life at this very moment and I love it!

My golf game however has fallen somewhat since moving locations and TVs. This tv is high def and I’m used to my 24 inch tube tv that the Nintendo was organically made for and doesn’t have the wrong clock speed that would mess with the timing of the shots… which is what the ENTIRE GAME is!!!! Thankfully, the HD TVs provided to me plays the game perfectly and I have no excuses for the drop off. I need something besides speedrunning the game to not get bored of the same ole, same ole. And because I’m so smart and the most amazing at ideas to stay un bored, I decided that one else a month, I will hold a “Major” golf tourney on the last weekend of every month. I am going to have to figure out a way to pick a score that I have to beat to win my new coveted made up trophy for a made up tournament! Super pumped and the first major will be the next update!!

Update: Hit a hole in one

Just hit a hole in one. Actually it’s my 2nd one since I moved into the hotel one week ago. That takes the total tally to 37 since April 2018.

In Japan, if you score a hole in one, it is tradition to buy your partners expensive gifts. It’s so common there, that they actually sell “Hole in one” Insurance! It’s crazy!

The more ya know…

Needed some excitement sooo… I burnt the kitchen down.

The Story:

It wasn't too late. Maybe around 10 o'clock and I jumped on the stove top and turned the heat onto high so my Grease Pot will get hot enough to cook my food. Didn't take long and before I knew it I was snack/eating some badass deep fried food. Then my mom picked me up from my grandma's house and went home. I was 9 years old. I'm now 37, almost more.

I've never fucked up on it. A few nights ago, what the corner of east 4th and Chautauqua have named the incident "The Great Fire," I was making cheese sticks that were an amazing lil snacks last time I made them so I only threw 4 in.

Around 9:15 ish Is where I can recall every moment, leading up to, during and after 'TGF'. It was a serious of small things that went just a lil different or off. That they weren't big enough to have any possible thoughts of something of what happened

I wanted to go to sleep soon, so I stood by the pot and watched it pre heat and immediately put the cheese sticks in the grease after it melted for a quick 3 minute cook time. Right as I grabbed the cheese sticks with the tongs out of the grease, my cell phone beeped and for just one second, distracted me enough to forget to turn the burner off (it was on high.

So I went upstairs and within a few bites of the cheese sticks, I realized I had eaten one too many of them in the last month and these cheese sticks weren't tasting very good. The cheese was just... wrong. I was officially over them and needed a long break before I eat another one. Another 5 minutes passed when I started to smell something burning. Plastic like. That's never a good smell but we live close to a big train plant and sometimes weird smells can come from the plant from time to time so I stuck my nose in the open window. "Nothing but fresh air" i thought to myself.

Then I saw a string of smoke coming from the ground right next to my door. I thought... "Hmmm... i should open the door" and to my disbelief, the moment i opened the door, all I could see was smoke... and not the type of smoke that you get when you over cook something, but a smoke that I had never experienced.

One step into the smoke and my brain went into slow down mode, aka the adrenaline was flowing and was shocked when I arrived to the kitchen to see a flame going from the grease pan that had caught the entire microwave above it on fire which had flames going so high that they ran into the ceiling and went sideways covering half the ceiling. "Oh no. Oh ***t. OH ***k!" I thought.

Thank god for youtube videos concerning grease fires, for I knew that we should NOT throw any water anywhere near a grease fire so I quickly got a cast iron pan and slid it on top of the flaming pot, which stopped the 3 foot flames from shooting from it. After calling 911, I was finally able to grab the pot and put it out of the danger zone and my father was able to throw water into the microwave and the wall and ceiling above it. By the grace of god... the fire was put out! Two minutes later a few fire trucks arrived with a crew that looked anxious to dance the fire dance, but I was immediately put a damper on their parade when I told them that we pretty much already got the fire out. They ripped the melted Microwave out of the wall and put a little bit of water via our faucet in the kitchen and before we knew it, they were gone and now the long part of recovery began.

I am now in a hotel room for the next few weeks, waiting for the cleaning crew to go through the house and clean each item from the smoke that go into 90% of the rooms in the house. Then we have to wait while they install an entire new kitchen from the floor to the ceiling. Hopefully it wont take longer than a month, but until then, I'm going to be stuck in this hotel.

I brought some clothes and all the little things one needs to stay clean and the one thing I brought for entertainment was my Nintendo with a copy of GOLF so I can still sit back and distract myself for a little bit and play a few rounds and get some practice in to someday soon shoot the perfect round.

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