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Category Archives: eastwood updates
StoryTime: “Shadow’s Revenge”
The time I once I accidentally got in bed with my girlfriend’s mother. Ya, and I totally spooned her and caressed her hand before the lights came on. And this about how My GF’s dog, Shadow made it all happen in his successful revenge plot.
Solid week of Golf, Hole-in-One on a -20 Round!!!
Had a real so,I’d week of golf. Approach shots were landing within a couple of feet. I was just dropping dimes and had some small misses when can’t happen when going for the perfect round and a world record score.
November 3rd, 2021
- Round 1: –13 Missed five greens on approach shots.
- Round 2: –17 Solid 18 holes overall. Was landing approach shots just a couple pixels from the hole. No missed putts.
- Round 3: –14 missed too many greens to get that true low score. Had a bad par on the 18th when I got screwed on my shot out of the sand trap where the shot only went 2 feet, even though I gave it much more power. Hate those with a passion and pray to god that doesn’t happen on a potential record breaking score.
- Round 4: –14 Another fucked up bunker shot that went no where. Not cool…
- Round 5: -20(!) Finally! A round of 18 holes where the score is at least sniffing the “perfect round” of golf. Hit a Hole-in-One on the Par 3, 11th hole!!! Rarely score an Ace on this hole and had 14 mph wind going sideways and the shot even that more shocking when it went in. Initially thought I over drove the hole, but the son of a gun rolled right into the hole. Followed that with a nice eagle on the par 5, 13th and then made a crucial eagle on the par 5, last hole 18 to get the low score of a 52 (-20)!
The 2021 Hotel NES GOLF Tournament!
I bring to you, the most beautiful display of golf in the next 4 Rounds of what is being projected to be the most amazing and best fake tournament of NES GOLF ever shown to the public.
EASTWOOD is going going up against the rest of the field which, because of Covid, happens to be only one more competitor to sign up and show his guts and made up golfing skills! This man of course, is “Red shirt” Mario! Believe it or not, Tiger Woods STOLE the red shirt idea from Red Shirt Mario a long, long time ago.
For me (Calvin Eastwood) to beat this moustache having, wannabe friend of Luigi, and child rapist, I’m going to have to play consistent and not get thrown By an errant OB and get back immediately to attacking the next hole like it never happened! I mostly stayed within the -10 to -19 range the most, but def threw in a couple duds like -5 or -7, but also matched that on the flip side by throwing in one a piece of paper for -20 to -23. The most common scores were written the most on the papers, while the harder and more shitty scores had much less of a chance to be picked as a score for the round.
I really think this will give me much more excitement in my rounds as well as making me HAVE to finish my rounds regardless of the score. That last part is most important though. I’ve had SOO many more practice on the earlier holes than the last 8 or so by a large margin. I usually miss a shot by a pixel or two to ruin an amazing round in the last 3 or 4 holes all the time and I need to put the work in to not have that happen as much as it does now. And I always had trouble playing the last group of holes with anywhere near the level of stress that is like when you are hitting the perfect round. Now in tourney format, those last few holes are still paramount and just as important as the 1st holes.The lower names were much more common while the the higher names are very much more rare. I still need to create new rivalries with made up fake players. I tore up a bunch of papers and wrote scores on them, I made more duplicates of the more common scores of -13 to -16ish and made the -20s and up just one piece of paper so they are super rare that would replicate real life better. So I threw all the pieces of paper in my hat and the very first drawing for the very 1st made up tourney with my made up rivalry showed that “Red shirt” Mario who when used correctly shoots scores that would give 2005 Manchurian candidate Tiger Woods a run for money. His 4 rounds came out as following, RD1: -14 RD2: -RD 3: – RD 4:
So now I begin my 1st round of this prestigious made up NES GOLF open championship with another score that I have in my sights to best, or in the worst case scenario, try to stay within a shot or two going into the 2nd round.
Hotel Living… on the insurance dime
I gotta say… living at a hotel is paid for and any food that I consume from the day of the fire until the day they finish our brand new kitchen, as long as I keep the receipts! If I eat takeout, grab the receipt. Fast food, “receipt please?” Grocery shopping? That receipt? “Better hold onto that one! It’s a biggie!” I am now on day 13 and I’ve really fallen into an stress free, made for introvert type of life at this very moment and I love it!
My golf game however has fallen somewhat since moving locations and TVs. This tv is high def and I’m used to my 24 inch tube tv that the Nintendo was organically made for and doesn’t have the wrong clock speed that would mess with the timing of the shots… which is what the ENTIRE GAME is!!!! Thankfully, the HD TVs provided to me plays the game perfectly and I have no excuses for the drop off. I need something besides speedrunning the game to not get bored of the same ole, same ole. And because I’m so smart and the most amazing at ideas to stay un bored, I decided that one else a month, I will hold a “Major” golf tourney on the last weekend of every month. I am going to have to figure out a way to pick a score that I have to beat to win my new coveted made up trophy for a made up tournament! Super pumped and the first major will be the next update!!
“
Needed some excitement sooo… I burnt the kitchen down.
The Story:
It wasn't too late. Maybe around 10 o'clock and I jumped on the stove top and turned the heat onto high so my Grease Pot will get hot enough to cook my food. Didn't take long and before I knew it I was snack/eating some badass deep fried food. Then my mom picked me up from my grandma's house and went home. I was 9 years old. I'm now 37, almost more.
I've never fucked up on it. A few nights ago, what the corner of east 4th and Chautauqua have named the incident "The Great Fire," I was making cheese sticks that were an amazing lil snacks last time I made them so I only threw 4 in.
Around 9:15 ish Is where I can recall every moment, leading up to, during and after 'TGF'. It was a serious of small things that went just a lil different or off. That they weren't big enough to have any possible thoughts of something of what happened
I wanted to go to sleep soon, so I stood by the pot and watched it pre heat and immediately put the cheese sticks in the grease after it melted for a quick 3 minute cook time. Right as I grabbed the cheese sticks with the tongs out of the grease, my cell phone beeped and for just one second, distracted me enough to forget to turn the burner off (it was on high.
So I went upstairs and within a few bites of the cheese sticks, I realized I had eaten one too many of them in the last month and these cheese sticks weren't tasting very good. The cheese was just... wrong. I was officially over them and needed a long break before I eat another one. Another 5 minutes passed when I started to smell something burning. Plastic like. That's never a good smell but we live close to a big train plant and sometimes weird smells can come from the plant from time to time so I stuck my nose in the open window. "Nothing but fresh air" i thought to myself.
Then I saw a string of smoke coming from the ground right next to my door. I thought... "Hmmm... i should open the door" and to my disbelief, the moment i opened the door, all I could see was smoke... and not the type of smoke that you get when you over cook something, but a smoke that I had never experienced.
One step into the smoke and my brain went into slow down mode, aka the adrenaline was flowing and was shocked when I arrived to the kitchen to see a flame going from the grease pan that had caught the entire microwave above it on fire which had flames going so high that they ran into the ceiling and went sideways covering half the ceiling. "Oh no. Oh ***t. OH ***k!" I thought.
Thank god for youtube videos concerning grease fires, for I knew that we should NOT throw any water anywhere near a grease fire so I quickly got a cast iron pan and slid it on top of the flaming pot, which stopped the 3 foot flames from shooting from it. After calling 911, I was finally able to grab the pot and put it out of the danger zone and my father was able to throw water into the microwave and the wall and ceiling above it. By the grace of god... the fire was put out! Two minutes later a few fire trucks arrived with a crew that looked anxious to dance the fire dance, but I was immediately put a damper on their parade when I told them that we pretty much already got the fire out. They ripped the melted Microwave out of the wall and put a little bit of water via our faucet in the kitchen and before we knew it, they were gone and now the long part of recovery began.
I am now in a hotel room for the next few weeks, waiting for the cleaning crew to go through the house and clean each item from the smoke that go into 90% of the rooms in the house. Then we have to wait while they install an entire new kitchen from the floor to the ceiling. Hopefully it wont take longer than a month, but until then, I'm going to be stuck in this hotel.
I brought some clothes and all the little things one needs to stay clean and the one thing I brought for entertainment was my Nintendo with a copy of GOLF so I can still sit back and distract myself for a little bit and play a few rounds and get some practice in to someday soon shoot the perfect round.
4/25/21 Golf News and Notes from the Previous 10 days
4/15/21 Round 1: -18 Best Golfing I've had in months! All birdies and eagled the first two par 5 holes. After the front 9, I was on World Record pace by shooting a 24, or -12 under par. Sadly though, I was only half way through the round. On the back 9, I immediately cooled off with a couple of pars. Nothing much I could of done. I was ball striking all most perfectly, but missed a couple of greens by a pixel or 2 and that was a wrap on the WR chase and I finished strong with a 54 (-18). Round 2: -8 Got a par on one of the earlier holes and decided to continue for practice. Nothing of note to talk about. Round 3: -16 Decent round before I went to sleep for the night.
4/17/21
Round 1: -17 Hole in One on the par 3, 3rd hole. The wind was 7mph blowing to the east sideways. Used a 3 wood. Was -11 through 9 holes and then decided to visit "Parsville: and parred 3 of the next 5 holes. Hung on for shooting a 57.
4/21/21
Round 1: -17 Birdie three of the first 4 holes, and then pulled a rabbit outta my hat on the par 5, 5th hole. Hit driver, then absolutely mashed a 3 iron for my 2nd shot. The ball took no detours and went straight into the hole for a DOUBLE EAGLE! The "DE" is much, much more rare when compared to a Hole in One. Since April of 2018, I've made 34 hole in ones compared to only 5 Double Eagles. Of course, they are always a big boost in confidence and energy which believe it or not is very required when the goal is not to miss ONE shot throughout the entire round of Golf.
So after all that excitement, I was -11 after the 9th hole. The back 9 however, was a different story. My worst enemy showed up at the 10th and his name is simply "The Wind God." He would peek in once in a while. Usually for a hole or 2. Sometimes he would show up on extremely important par 3 or par 5's, which can absolutely be ruined by wind and the eliminates any potential for a World Record. The wind god came back with a Vengeance this time. He brought 12 mph wind for 8 out of the 9 holes!!! Those numbers are very, very rate.
Despite that, I kept my shit together and somehow shot an amazing -17! I wrote in my golf journal that that particular -17 currently might be one of my top 10 rounds of GOLF to date! That's how ridiculous the wind was and you add in that double eagle and how I kept getting birdies in those conditions make it one of the classics in the run to breaking a 50(!) score.
History of SaltyChip
The history of SaltyChip is a history of a male named Kevin, and wherever he travels, so do his trusty notebooks with his favourite pen. A Pilot G-2, with a 10 on thickness. Anything less, and Kevin has a problem. In the past, People close to Kevin all knew about his notebooks and loved contributing to his short stories whenever they had ideas come about.
Notebooks. When talking about the birth of SaltyChip, we must bring up Notebooks. Three ring binders with the three-holed paper a thing of the past and always felt disposable, especially since the paper was notoriously flimsy and would it’s holes would rip and look like shit. With notebooks, the paper and the contents inside would feel safe. I felt like anything I wrote inside my notebook, would be safe for a long time to come. In 10th grade I had this red notebook in school that wasn’t tied to any of the 6 classes I had each day, but rather was quickly turning into an idea notebook from me and anyone that sat by me in class. It was a way to pass the boredom away.
The first and most important notebook was the well travelled and known, “Red Notebook.”
SaltyChip’s Eastwood Golf 